


The Infamous JohnKat Fic

by ClockWorkQueso



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Black Romance, Blackrom, Dave's barely there, I'm not very good at writing sex scenes yet I'm sorry, M/M, Post Game, Post Sburb/Sgrub, Xeno, a bit of violence, its movie night, john's kind of an asshole, previous John/Roxy, why do things always happen on movie night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 08:09:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3374102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockWorkQueso/pseuds/ClockWorkQueso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That I was bound to write. </p>
<p>Karkat has a problem. A problem with stupid teeth, a dorky smile, and deep, blue eyes.</p>
<p>Alternativley titled- In which two idiots, through a series of convoluted and coincidental happenings, fall in hate with each other and proceed to consummate their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Infamous JohnKat Fic

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I just need more black JohnKat and it's not gonna just fall from the sky so
> 
> PS this could be set in an AU after the game where trolls and humans are integrated/on the same planet, but still have their own respective cultures, language, etc. The trolls live in colonies, kinda like apartments of hives, and go to school and work with humans and stuff. The world was kinda reset, so everyone's alive, retains their memories,,etc. or whatever you'd like

Karkat, despite his vast knowledge of romance, was a total failure in that department. He was sort of known for quadrant vacillation. It wasn't something that he was proud of- who would be? He could barely keep his fucking life on track, let alone juggle a handful of teenagers problematic enough to remind the mutant of his late night dramas. Except this was real life, and things never turned out alright in the end, especially for him. He was the king of fucking shit up. In fact, he was pretty sure that if there were a competition of fucking things up, he would win first place, no contest. The other competitors would just fuck right off when he walked in, knowing that they could never compare to Karkat's mastery of fucking up. They would go home and think long and hard about their lives, and dedicate at least two sweeps of pure, dedicated practice to be able to even come close to Karkat's level. Of fucking shit up.

His relationships were no exemption. Sollux, good god, that peice of shit insufferable dumbfuck, for as much as Karkat pitied him, the guy would say something stupid or vulgar and he would go black in an instant. To this day, however, they remained close friends, and Karkat wasn't looking to change that. Besides, Sollux would be hard to manage in any quadrant, he felt sorry for Aradia or Feferi or whoever the fuck had to deal with his bullshit on a daily basis. Then there was Gamzee, the pitiful sad sack of shit, Karkat knew that the clown couldn't manage without a moirail, but he hardly ever reciprocated, AND Kanaya toed the line of best friend and pale flirtation too often. Nepeta could be flushed for him, he had no fucking clue what went through that scatterbrained broad's head anymore, and the whole situation with Dave and Terezi was too much to even handle honestly. He was on pretty good terms with Eridan too, before he did a couple of choice acrobatic maneuvers off of the handle. Now the sea dweller just hung around and moped a lot. And that was just small sample out of the 11 shit-spewing globe fondlers he had the misfortune of sharing a living space with. 

Jade Harley, oh boy, he wasn't sure where they stood. The two were pretty goddamned close, and Karkat cared about her, but not enough to initiate a matespritship with her (ruin their friendship). Dave was one of his best bros, they were tighter than the lid sealing away delicious pickled grub-rods, possibly the bestest bro in the history of paradox space. He ended up spending a lot of time with Rose, not only because of her flushed relationship with Kanaya, they genuinely shared some interests. Like trashy Alternian romance novels. Ehem. He didn't care much for the alpha timeline kids, or as he called them, *NECESSARY KNOCKOFFS ONLY USED TO FURTHER THE EVENTS OF THE GAME IN A WAY THAT WOULD BENEFIT EVERYONE ULTIMATELY* So that was that. Except. Well.

John. The biggest problem. And of course it was John, that asshole. Except, he wasn't an asshole, just moronically sweet and so so stupid and that's why Karkat hated the buck toothed shitweasel. During those three years on the meteor dealing with the fuckups that made up his team, he was positive he'd gotten over his supposed clandestine caliginous fling with the Heir, but turns out Karkat was just kidding himself. Distractions, distractions. When they had all reunited and he saw that grin that could make the sun feel absolutely ridiculous, any star shrivel up and turn into a fucking black hole simply because they could never hope to shine as bright as that smile, God, he could collapse entire universes and not even care, just laugh and make some stupid SHITTY joke and Karkat wanted to-

Ugh. He shouldn't get so worked up. It was bad for his blood pusher. Anyway, then they had to focus on fixing the new shit they had to deal with on top of all the time fuckery from the last session and he really didn't get to spend any time with John apart from holding meetings together as co-friendleaders or whatever the fuck John dubbed them. Trying to get seven angsty teenage humans and however many homicidal trolls decided to show up to cooperate with each other proved exactly why they shouldn't create a world, a planet where the two species could coexist. Karkat almost had to physically restrain himself from strangling the blue-pajamed fuckpuppet every time he opened his mouth, pure idiocy and amity lacing through every word like a drunken Rose's knitting needles painfully and sloppily sewing together strings of incoherent babble, creating a cacophony of utter bullshit vaguely resembling a scarf. They had eventually gotten their shit together, and John was a pretty decent help, but Karkat couldn't get past the spades in his eyes. Their new world, living near each other, being able to go to school, get together, should have been ideal, and it was, for pretty much everyone else.

So, in the end, he knew John viewed them as "buds", hanging out with him every so often when a mutual friend was involved, like Dave. Karkat pretty much vowed to himself that he would never make such a heinous display of black flirtation again, not after the first time John shot him down. The human was not a homosexual, for some fucking reason, and he was at least 90% sure that he was pursuing a redrom with the other Lalonde. Humans only had one quadrant at a time, or something.... ARRRGH, could they even do blackrom? Karkat didn't know, but he did know he'd never find out. Back to the subject of fucking things up- movie night at his place, a common occurrence between friends on the newly created Earth. The inhabitants had a plethora of films to choose from, both native and of Alternian descent. Unfortunately, Dave and John both preferred their own planet's shitty movies, of course, instead of blockbusters like-

"In which an unpopular young troll female, upon her 6th wriggling day, vividly hallucinates a life where she transcends her blood caste to find companionship and possibly even romance. Her palemate, who is of slightly higher caste, tries to express his flushed feelings and is shot down and turned away in favor of the higher bloods that the female has invited to her hive. Despite her most valiant efforts, they are futile, as class order and blood are absolute. However, by some miracle due to her moirail's unintentional thoughtfulness, the young female troll's aforementioned wish becomes a reality. She goes about her new life, finding that her deepest and most abhorable fantasies are happening. Conflict arises when she figures out that being a part of the higher caste was never meant for her, and she should have been thankful for what she had. The female slowly realizes that the troll she has become is neither trustworthy nor likable, and unknowingly begins to reverse the situation by distancing herself from her new relationships. Distraught, she seeks her lusus' comfort and attempts to pursue a flushed relationship with her male friend whom she had scorned, knowing that the male already has his red quadrant filled. Her job, in spite of her vigorous efforts, crumbles apart, and she resorts to the only good thing left in her life- the thought to be unrequited romance to the male troll. He realizes his flushed feelings as well, but denies them, as he cannot view her as a possible candidate any longer because of her decisions. The female admits that she made a mistake attempting to cheat the system, and cries until she finds herself back in her original situation. She is of her natural blood again, and now has a second chance at redrom, and at life in general, and seizes that chance. This film includes: various shallow and purely advantageous relationships, one actual flushed relationship that may seem like a deep moirallegiance, caste jumping, wish fulfillment, and no violence."

Oh, a classic, and Troll Mark Ruffalo does the male lead such justice, but back to the current bullshit at hand. Dave had left John and Karkat to go fetch snacks, even though that was usually John's thing, for whatever reason, he was acting like a prissy wriggler who'd just gotten reprimanded for crawling up the shelves in the nutrition block to get to the jar of sweetened grub-treats. So of course Karkat was ruffled, balled up on the entire other end of the couch with his near fortress of blankets. The human was not attempting to converse with him, and the mutant was not going to break the rare silence in the room. Eventually, John got up, and with a slightly sour glance back at Karkat, went and picked a movie. Now, here's a fuck up. Being smarter than the average shit-for-brains fucking grubfister, Karkat should have stopped the Heir from ever laying a hand on his precious movie collection. Because, knowing the stupid human and his stupid preferences, he would find the most annoying, worthless, and meaningless piece of crap movie that Karkat owned. Without further ado, the human popped the DVD in the player without giving the troll any hints as to what it might be, coming back to his seat just as Dave sauntered back in, arms full of high calorie junk food. 

"Yo. I think I've got enough to tide us over, but- hey, who picked the movie? John, I swear to god if you actually make me sit here and watch some sort of Nicolas Cage-" 

"Dave. Just shut up and bring the food over here." Karkat narrowed his eyes at John. His voice was uncharacteristically dark and brooding, a bit angry, and it sent unwarranted shivers down his spine. God, did he want that tone directed at him. He felt his face flush and jerked his head to the TV, ignoring the muted bickering of the humans. Dave ended up taking much of the food back to the nutrition block, the troll grabbing only a candy or two. The title screen came up, and Karkat was pleasantly surprised. Les Miserables. Jade had given it to him as a gift, and he found himself captivated by the story and the music, especially that painful unrequited flushcrush. He's only seen it a few times, give or take, and honestly wouldn't mind watching it again. Dave, however, obviously didn't appreciate anything even resembling a touchy-feely musical. He complained loudly as he came back once again, arms empty. Karkat sent him a glare that would physically incapacitate a lesser being, but Dave was essentially a god, so. The blonde snorted, and John turned his head to give him a look that Karkat had never seen on the normally amicable boy. Dave made a slightly apologetic noise and sat in between them, bringing his arms up behind his head. 

Karkat couldn't hold back a snort, it was just so fucking unusual, and then John's icy eyes locked on him and his breath faltered. Before John sighed and focused his attention on the movie, Karkat could almost believe for a second that the look was personal, a silent challenge, one that sent his pulse hammering. Karkat released a slow breath, hunkering down further in his blankets. He really didn't want to deal with this shit now, it was seriously stressing him out. Maybe he should call Gamzee. He grunted as he was poked in the side, hard enough to feel through the padding wrapping him up. 

"Bro. Do you like this? Cause I'm pretty sure we can veto John if we need to. It's like, he's the president, who had made a very questionable decision that could have, like, disastrous fucking consequences. We're talking Armageddon, dude. And not just slow, regional collapse. A worldwide fucking phenomenon that will literally wreck the entire planet Earth. Maybe even a few meandering planets, hell, even galaxies, that happen to get caught in the blast zone that will overtake the Milky Way. That is, if his wingmen, that's you and me, don't speak up and call him out on his shit. Understand?" Karkat most definitely did understand. Maybe. He just didn't care. He flicked his red irises to their twins, hidden behind reflective black plastic, sort of uncomfortably close to his face.

"Dave. Do us both a favor and shut the fuck up. I personally, through some unimportant and convoluted, yet relatable reasons, happen to enjoy this film. So-" 

"Excuse me, you two, but I would like to watch a movie. So shut your mouths or go find something else to do, because I don't have this DVD at home!" John snapped, and Karkat felt kind of smug. Dave could go do something else if he wanted, and leave the true movie connoisseurs to their business. Though, Karkat would just lend the film to John if he talked to him outside of a few short, random encounters, but. Also, the mutant was kind of worried. What was really going on with the blue-eyed human? He felt Dave shift next to him, turning his full attention on his other friend. Karkat tensed, sensing the change in mood.

"You know, dude, just cause your girlfriend decided to call it quits doesn't mean you have to take it out on me. I'm here for you, but if you're gonna be like this, then count me out." Dave said, shoving himself off the couch and grabbing his jacket. Karkat stared, wide-eyed, as the blonde slammed the door to his hive behind him. His eyes flickered to John, who was slowly turning an embarrassing shade of red, pursing his lips. Unsure of what to say, what to do, Karkat reluctantly prepared to return to the movie- the first number was just ending, and he enjoyed Javert very much. Those blue eyes found his again though, and he wanted to recoil at the emotion, the malice (very threatening, but not at all as scary as a troll's anger) he saw there.

"What are you staring at? I can only imagine what's running through your judgmental head right now..." John huffed, bringing his legs up to his chest. A flare of indignance rushed through the Cancer- Judgemental? Maybe a little, but losing a matesprit was really nothing to poke fun at. He found himself subconsciously baring his teeth as he replied, not looking at the Heir.

"Well maybe if you actually talked with me once in a while, I would be more sensitive to your relationships." Karjat growled, mostly to himself, but John heard.

"Oh? Well maybe if you didn't avoid me-" Karkat restrained his hiss, but he did let out a sound of disbelief.

"I don't fucking avoid you, Egbert. It's you who just completely ignores me-"

"Oh my god, Karkat, I don't ignore you-"

"You hardly say anything to me! Ever! The only time we ever hang out is with other people, and after all the shit we've been through, this is what I get? It's like I don't even matter to you!" Oh man, Karkat should probably calm down, he was beginning to get a rush of hormones that sent the heat of fury through his body. John took a few deep breaths. Karkat tried to mimic him, but his brain was telling him to get angry, get ready for a fight, and he couldn't. Instead, he relied on his covers to mask his growing restlessness. 

"Listen, you... you do matter, it's just kinda awkward to just hang out with you alone, I-

"Why the fuck would that be weird? Do you not like me or something?" Now Karkat was just fishing for reasons to hate John, God, he was disgusting. Damn his insufferable feelings. John was silent, and Karkat curled his lip and turned his head to see what was up. The human was blushing beet red, and he was examining the back of his hand, fidgeting. Karkat lowered his eyebrows and a rumbling started deep in his chest. John looked up at the sound, startled. He'd heard Karkat's words get sort of rocky and choppy with growls, but never just outright, plain growling. Because it was a sign that he wanted to initiate a kismesissitude, and not something a respectable troll would do in public. Ignoring the blood rushing to his own cheeks, Karkat watched John with an intensity that he normally wouldn't allow. If he could just stop his raging hate for five minutes, he would be more than happy to try and be friends with John, he was a good person, fun-ish to be around, despite him being a total fuming shitbiscuit.

The human finally seemed to grasp that Karkat wasn't stopping until he got an answer, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times, no sound escaping. He took a step back, as if to abscond, and Karkat shot up out of his cocoon of sorts. John flinched, and Karkat attempted to dial it back a bit- this wasn't going to end well for him if John found out how he really felt. He just needed to find out what he was doing wrong, fix it, and then they could be friends again. Easy fix, for once in his miserable life. Karkat flitted past the Heir, blocking the door. Then, one of those looks came across John's face, one that screamed hate to the volatile troll. He attempted to dissuade his brain, but John stepped towards him and got very very close to his face.

"I don't have to tell you anything. Now move out of the fucking way." John's breath fanned over Karkat's skin, and Karkat couldn't breathe. He clenched his fists so hard, resisting the urge to push John back, to fight, that he felt his nails bite into his palms. Damn, it'd been too long since he'd cut them, shit. His eyes never left John's, refusing to back down, and the blue orbs bored right into Karkat's core. Finally, after what felt like forever, John backed off, forcefully pushing on the shorter's shoulders. Karkat sucked in a gasp as he banged into the door behind him, and immediately brought his own hands up to shove the human back farther. He felt satisfied as he left stains on John's shirt, for once unperturbed by the sight of his own blood. As Karkat sucked in air, trying to contain himself, John's look of anger melted away into a sort of curious, almost anxious look. 

"You... Karkat, you have that kismesi-whatever crush on me, don't you? Kanaya told me you'd mostly gotten over it, but..." Karkat froze, heat flooding his face, all the way up to the tips of his ears, and the look of realization in John's face told him that he couldn't get out of this one. He'd figured it out for himself. Shhhhiiiiiitttttt. Oh no, no, this was so embarrassing, why did he let himself get into this situation-

And then John's lips were on his, firmly but hesitantly pressing at Karkat's. He felt a hand slowly slide into his hair, and his eyes slipped closed, and John shifted closer. It wasn't nearly what he wanted, no, but it was something and holy shit John Egbert was kissing him. Karkat's head hit the textured surface behind him hard enough to daze him. The hand in his hair remained, and John's eyelids fluttered open, eyebrows creasing. 

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU BRAINLESS DICKPRINCE? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST KISS ME? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO INITIATE HERE?!? I-" A sharp tug on his hair at the base of his neck silenced him, and he tried to pull away from the sensation, but John held tight. 

"Listen to me Karkat, cause I don't have the patience to explain myself again. My girlfriend just left me for another woman, which I honestly found I had no problem with, besides being dumped. Half of my friends are in or have at least considered a homosexual relationship. What I'm trying to get at here is... that I was pretty stupid to believe that, well, that that type of stuff was wrong. And now I'm single and horny and upset and I've had a crush on you for at least two years now, maybe more, and just found out that you do indeed see me as a possible candidate for one of your weird quadrants, which I'd be happy to fill, whatever it might be. So you can explain exactly what you want from me, or I can go and we both forget this ever happened." John got out in a rush, leaving the normally loquacious troll speechless. John wanted...? But no, humans couldn't do black, they were so fragile and they only did love. Karkat made a slight sound of confusion, and leaned his full weight against the door behind him. The Heir's hand toyed with the hair in his grasp, sending chills down his spine.

"I... a black relationship, or a kismesissitude is very, very demanding..." Karkat began, stuttering out a sort of textbook explanation of the quadrant. 

"And, that's the, uh, hate, right? You... hate me?" John queried, and the troll nodded slightly. 

"Hate is a very powerful emotion for trolls, often linked with, uh, lust, but, we have platonic hate too. But. Yeah, for you, it's the first one. It's usually violent, but there is an unhealthy degree of harming your partner. You have to understand each other's boundaries, and make sure they're getting what they need from you..." Karkat trailed off, feeling thoroughly stupid. No good could come from this. 

"So... is this okay?" John lightly brushed his lips against the troll's again, and Karkat said nothing, just blushed furiously. He felt John smile, what was that idiot so happy about? The mutant refused to believe this was real, and duly refused to reciprocate. Maybe John would give up, realize that Karkat was not quadrant material- he was distracted by the feel of lips trailing down his chin, to his neck. Oh. Oh. That was- very sensitive, an area any sane troll would never ever leave unprotected. But still, this light shit was just not doing it for Karkat, and he unwillingly let out an impatient whine as John mouthed at his throat. The human giggled and... Oh my god, the shitstain was doing it on purpose. The beginnings of a very vehement FUCK YOU turned into an absolutely embarrassing moan when John turned an open mouthed kiss at the juncture of his neck and shoulder to a very hard, and very painful bite. It wasn't enough to break his tough skin, but the Heir obviously did it with that intent, and that alone sent a shock of desire right to Karkat's bulge. 

"W-wait, John, you have to be sure that this is what you want. That you can handle it." His voice was breathy and he hated it, hated John for it, and the said boy drew back from the bruise that he surely left. 

"So what? Is that some sort of challenge?" John quirked a brow, smirking his stupid buck toothed smile. His face was all red, and he obviously enjoyed what he just did. The question gave Karkat pause. Yes. He should challenge John. To see if he was really worth all of this fucking trouble. He rudely shoved the human aside, ignoring him to shut the TV off and return the movie to its case. He tuned out John, mentally preparing himself for what was about to go down. He couldn't help but feel giddy, he'd been thinking about it for over a sweep, but he feared now that John would back out last minute and leave him heartbroken. Or. Spades-broken. Whatever. He chewed at his lip carefully, and finally turned to to human. He was standing at the other side of the room, confused and clearly impatient, ugh, the tense line of his shoulders, his slightly angry countenance... anyway.

"Okay, John. Hit me." He said simply and calmly, though his insides were bubbling. Karkat decided to opt for fisticuffs, he doubted John would be up for getting sliced and diced just yet. The human's eyebrows shot up, and he made no move to attack him. The mutant's spirits plummeted, but he wouldn't give up just yet. He figured he should at least get a good punch in for all of this emotional turmoil. Taking advantage of John's surprise, he rushed him, throwing his fist at his stupid face. It connected with a satisfying crack, and Karkat remembered with a jolt that humans were a lot softer and not meant for kismesissitude. Before he could apologize, he was right hooked, the force behind it nearly sending him to the floor. He wiggled his jaw to test it- it was fine, but something definitely felt off in his nose. He looked at John and saw he wasn't much better off- there was a trickle of blood on the corner of his mouth, and matching twin streams of red from his nose. John grunted and tackled Karkat to the floor, and the troll felt a rush of adrenaline. Yes, he nearly yelled as he rolled them over with a heave, sitting on John's chest. The human coughed a bit, and Karkat ran his hands up into his dark hair and scratched at his scalp with his claws- oh right, no horns. But John cried out anyway, and Karkat smiled ferally as he dug his nails a bit deeper. This was a test, after all. 

Suddenly, the air around him whipped up, and he was blown back by the force. Oh, that should be considered cheating. And then he couldn't breathe, because there was no air in his lungs, around him, oh GOD- he gulped in a breath when he finally could, and shakily rolled to barely dodge the furious human. He rose to a crouch as John sat back on his knees. They breathed heavily for a few seconds, and then they were diving at each other, mouths crashing together with such force Karkat feared he might have knocked a tooth loose. The troll opened his mouth the instant he felt John's tongue, letting the human take control for the most part. For one, he had quite a bit more experience, and two, he was still trying to wrap his mind around what just transpired. John's hand, so much rougher now, returned to his hair, pulling harshly and forcing a garbled noise out of Karkat. He keened when the other's grip moved up from his hair to one of his horns. John pulled back.

"Is this-"

"Yes, John, just, fuck yessss." He hissed as the Heir dug at the base, roughly massaging the most sensitive part of his horn. He breathed hard out of his nose as John returned his mouth to his, loving the way the human traced his sharp teeth gingerly. Feeling malevolent, he captured the tongue in between the edges, and tasted the tang of human blood. 

"Fuck, Karkat," John grunted, only pausing in the kiss to touch his appendage with his free hand, fingers coming back red. He sent the troll a glare and huffed, tightening his hold on Karkat's horn until shocks of pain slithered down his spine. Growling, he tried to twist his head out of John's grasp, but only succeeded in making the pain worse. Hnnn. Okay, John had more than proved himself, and his first time with his kismesis was not going to be on his living room floor. Karkat reached up and covered John's hand with his own, lightly trailing his nails along it in warning. He seemed to get it and let go, and the troll let a tiny smirk worm its way onto his face- this was going way better than expected. He stood and fixed his clothes. His hair was probably an irreparable mess, but hopefully both of those things wouldn't really matter soon. He held out a hand for John, who looked at it, sneered, and got himself up. Oh, alright then, a silent fuck you to you too, Egbert. 

"We should probably take this to a respite block. Or bedroom, whatever." Karkat muttered, rubbing the various sore spots on his body. John smiled, a real smile, and nodded. Jesus he looked like and idiot, blood all over his face, glasses askew, hair wilder than usual. His idiot, though, and just the thought of that kind of made Karkat want to puke. This was really fucking happening, John looked even better than he imagined, and okay now the pair was going to his respite block. He was glad that he followed the example of the other Earth-bound trolls and bought a bed, even though it did jack-shit for his nightmares. Especially since he was currently being thrown on it, John following quickly. The human removed his glasses and set them carefully on his nightstand, wow, did he look stupider than usual without them. They resumed with their sloppy makeouts, and the human settled on top of him. The weight was comforting, if not a bit suffocating, and as they were kissing, John took his hands and secured them above his head to prevent any more scratching. 

Karkat growled and broke the kiss, latching his teeth onto the Heir's throat. He was deadly in more ways than one, and his kismesis needed to remember that. John's gasp was mixed with a moan, and Karkat didn't know if he could take much more of this. He lapped at the blood beading from the teeth marks, feeling the vibrations on his tongue.

"S-shit, Karkat! I think. That we, uh-" It must have been hard for the human's insignificant thinkpan to form a sentence with Karkat mouthing at his throat, an apparently erogenous area for the other as well. However, he understood what John was asking for, and brought his knee up between the Heir's thighs hard enough to get John to remove his grip on the troll's wrists. 

"Fuck you, Karkat!" John sputtered, sitting up on Karkat's hips. His bulge noted the pressure and began to unsheathe, and Karkat hissed as his fingers found the hem of John's bloodstained shirt. Grimacing, John slapped the troll's hands away and removed his own shirt, tossing it somewhere to the left. Karkat took a moment to observe the Heir's weird, pasty body, before running his hands up it. John shuddered, especially when he touched those weird little nubs present on his chest. Curious, the troll treated them kind of like he would horns, circling them and pinching.

"A-ah! Shit!" 

Well, looks like he was doing something right. Karkat shuddered in a breath when John ground down against his now fully unsheathed bulge, and the human's hands came to rest on his shoulders for support. Karkat grunted and shoved them off, attempting to sit up a bit in order to remove his own sweater. He was not going to come in his pants like a fucking wriggler, and the removal of clothes was a necessary, if inconvenient, step. John seemed to get the memo and helped a bit, shifting to help the process along. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how he looked at it, all that extra fucking movement did nothing to help the not ruining his pants problem, and his nook released a rush of fluid to prepare for pailing. John was also very heavily pressed against his bulge, the hardness in his pants providing a good pressure for him to get off against. 

John looked sort of perplexed, not only at what was going on in the Cancer's pants, he also seemed confused by his grub scars. Fuck, didn't that idiot learn anything in Troll Studies? Huffing out a breath, Karkat focused the strength that was left in his jelly-like limbs to switch positions with the human. He was going way too fucking slow, and Karkat needed to pail within the next 30 minutes or he might actually keel over and die half naked in the Heir's lap. The two took a few moments to readjust, breathe a bit, and Karkat found himself staring into John's eyes. The human smirked, and brought a hand up to tug at some of the troll's sweaty hair. 

"I hate you." He cooed teasingly, and Karkat rolled his eyes. John let out one of his absolutely repulsive giggles, and the Cancer rolled his hips instead, silencing him. Karkat felt pride well up in him as John's head lolled back against his pillows, hands dropping to hold his hips. He raked his nails down the human's chest, leaving raised lines behind, causing John to suck in a harsh breath. His hand continued down, down, to the zipper of his jeans. The Heir's head snapped back up, gaze locking on the fingers toying with the cool metal. Chuckling, the Cancer drew it down agonizingly slow, watching John's chest shudder. Karkat moved off of the human, reveling in John's displeased whine. He wanted this. Wanted Karkat. Feeling blue eyes watching him intently, he shucked off his pants, and he vaguely heard John do the same. They were tossed into the growing pile of clothes, and Karkat climbed back onto his kismesis. Oh, yes, the friction was so much better without that extra layer in the way. His claws were digging into John's shoulders as he grunted out expletives, John letting out various pitched, breathy moans. His nook pulsed, and yep, it was time to remove the underwear. 

Karkat rose up slightly, removing his hands from the boy under him. There were crescent-shaped cuts all along his skin, and he took a moment to spread the blood and push on the wounds, noting the way that made John squirm in pain. He churred a bit, and John seemed amused by the noise. Karkat glared at the human, taking his blood-smeared fingers and hooking them in his underwear. John left one hand on his hip and the other travelled up to a horn, encouraging the troll. Panting slightly, Karkat slipped the garment off, maneuvering his legs accordingly, and John's hands tensed up. His bulge, swollen and slick, writhed in the open air, looking for something to latch on to. The Heir seemed unsure of what to do now, honestly, why was he so surprised, the Cancer was an alien, for God's sake. A growl rumbled in his chest as Karkat shifted to pull off John's underwear as well, shaking the hand off of his head. The human's bulge sprang free and settled against his stomach, and Karkat's nook slicked itself with a rush of genetic material. Fuck. Seeing the sort of wild frenzy in the troll's eyes, John looked like he was going to say something, protest maybe, and he wasn't having that. 

Karkat surged forward and forcefully kissed the human, slithering his pointed tongue past the other's lips. Their teeth clacked together in his haste, Karkat held John's face in his hands, pressing their bodies close. The troll eagerly swallowed the Heir's moans as his prehensile bulge wrapped around John's stiff member, slicking him up. His nails dug slightly into the freckled skin under them, and the human reached up to his horns in response to the needle-like pricks of pain. They were unable to keep kissing at this point, trying to get enough air for their sweltering bodies, panting. Karkat groaned as John pressed his thumbs on the tips of his horns, the ache spreading from his head right down to his toes. Noises of pleasure filled the air, and Karkat felt as if he could combust, everything was so hot, and finally, finally, he arranged himself to where his nook lined up with John's dick-

"Haa-aaa," The troll mewled as John entered him, the human letting out a few choice expletives himself. The Cancer breathed hard and sank all the way down, shuddering at the tiny shocks of pain, sitting up and splaying his hands on John's stomach for support. John looked up at him expectantly, hands sliding out of his hair to painfully take hold of his hips, and Karkat took in the flushed face, mused hair, bruised lips, bloodied face. God, he was perfect. Karkat moved experimentally, grinning almost ferally at John's desperate gasp, holding in his own. He had him right where he wanted him. Let's see how far he could take this. 

"Beg for me." Karkat hissed, and John's eyes widened almost comically. He sputtered a bit, and Karkat snarled. He wanted to hear his kismesis plead, even demand for his attention. And he was going to get it. 

"That wasn't a request, you miserable excuse for a living, breathing, pile of hoofbeast shit!" Karkat watched with hidden glee as John's face shifted from disbelief to irritation, borderline outrage. He met the hatred in the troll's eyes with his own, and he wanted to start moving, wanted to fuck himself hard, fast, but the buildup would make it all the more worth it. Breathing through his teeth, Karkat continued to sneer derisively, feeling John hastily take in air. 

"Karkat..." John began, venom in his voice making it so much better. He raised his eyebrows, disdain tainting his sarcastic expression. In a sickly-sweet voice, he continued. 

"Fuck me before I take all of the air out of your lungs and choke you to death. Please." Karkat growled at the threat, heat pooling low in his abdomen. He rose up, torturously slow, and he knew John's hands were going to bruise his hips. The slide back down sent a throb to his bulge, ugh, how was he close already? Tired of teasing both of them, the Cancer began riding John with no restraint. Ahh, shit. 

"Yes, Karkat, fuck!" John's cries joined his own as they both neared their climaxes, the troll's walls tightening around the human. So close, just a bit more- Karkat leaned forward a bit, and yes there was the angle he needed to-

"John you fUCKING SHITSPEWING ASSWAGON I HATE YOU-" Red tinted genetic material covered John's stomach, coated both of their thighs as Karkat came, eyes clenched shut, shivering, keening in his release. John silently mirrored the troll, gasping out his orgasm, back arching, straining as much as it could with the cloudy-headed troll on top of him. Gulping in air, the Cancer rolled off of his kismesis, barely registering the sticky substance literally everywhere. He blurrily saw the human shakily reach for his glasses before he closed his eyes, basking in his feelings, the delightful soreness in his tired body. Hmm. Next time, he'd remember to captalogue a fucking pail. He groaned internally at the thought of doing laundry, before inspiration struck. 

"Since this is your fault, you have to wash the fucking sheets." Karkat murmured, just loud enough for the human to hear, smiling at his outraged "MY fault?!?" before drifting off.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. If you see any mistakes, hit me up!


End file.
